London

I am sort of disliking this place. Wrote this on the tube today...

Flowery Head, The Sun shines
Moon light falls and the dark blinds
Running through parallel lines
Decision fails, Paradise Divine
Sitting in a bubble, with options void
Grains for survival, filling my spine
Faces in colors, actions in disguise
Driving me mad, running like a child
Waiting for something, i dont know why
When everything else, stays alike....

Spiral Staircase

I hate saturday nights. Lately, saturday's have started haunting me. There is this very wierd feeling about it. My grand crash took the center stage on a saturday night. Its a saturday night and i have fallen down, off my spiral staircase yet again.
This kid, is a part of the Orphanage i visit every Saturday. I guess this was my last trip to that place and i was lucky enough to capture this kid on my camera. A funny thing happened today. As soon as i walked in, i saw my fellow volunteers distributing pens to the other kids. This one was sitting in one corner with a pen and a sheet of paper. Her hands are so small that she can hardly hold a pen. Still she was drawing lines on the paper due to peer pressure. All the other kids around her were doing the same. I still couldn't judge if the others were randomly drawing lines just because they were too bored or if they really can't replicate even an alphabet. I sat with them and drew few shapes. No one knows how to hold a pen. My fellow volunteers accepted my idea of organizing a painting competition for the kids. That's when i realised that no one gives a damn. They don't know where the kids stand, or how much they know. I was very disappointed. I was laughing in my head and walked out of that place. This other guy came and pissed me off further with his bunch of stupid questions.
I sat in one corner and few kids came running towards me. They jumped, they pulled my hair, drew lines using their pens on my shirt. Few were upset since i couldn't give them enough attention due to the other kids. Love is all we need. Love is all they need.
We tend to take it for granted. If someone gives us selfless love, we try to customize it as per our convenience. Well i have been put on hold on everything. I have been asked to take some time out so that i regain my sanity. I am trying to figure out where am i going wrong here. Should i be careless? Maybe. Every time, all my comrades find a reason to push me off their circle. If i don't move forward, i'll never have a past.
I hate saturday nights.

Stars Die.

One of those "crappy" nights. No Sleep. And all the luggage still in my head. This Picture reminds me of the Snow Patrol album cover.

Inside the vehicle the cold is extreme
Smoke in my throat kicks me out of my dream
I try to relax but its warmer outside
I fail to connect, it's a tragic divide

This has become a full time career
To die young would take only 21 years
Gun down a school or blow up a car
The media circus will make you a star

Dark matter flowing out on to a tape
Is only as loud as the silence it breaks
Most things decay in a matter of days
The product is sold the memory fades

Crushed like a rose
In the river flow
I am I know

Pain

Gone Forever To Return Never A Pain So Clever I Failed To Discover.........

So Much For Truth, Honesty and Love.

Televators

Just as he hit
The ground
They lowered a tow that stuck in his neck to the gills
Fragments of sobriquets
Riddle me this:
Three half eaten corneas
Who hid the aureole
Stalk the ground
Stalk the ground
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stain walks crutch and hobbled sway
Auto de fe
A capillary hint of red
Only this manupod
Crescent in shape has escaped
The house half the way
Fell empty with teeth that
Split both his lips
Mark these words
One day this chalk outline will circle this city
Was he robbed of the asphalt that kerchiefed his face?
A room coloured charlatan hid in a safe
Stalk the ground
Stalk the ground
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stain walks crutch and hobbled sway
Auto de fe
A capillary hint of red
Only this manupod
Crescent in shape has escaped
Pull the pins
Save your grace
Mark these words
On his grave
Pull the pins
Save your grace
Mark these words
On his grave
Pull the pins
Save your grace
Mark these words
On his grave
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stain walks crutch and hobbled sway
Auto de fe
A capillary hint of red
Everyone knows the last toes are Always the coldest to go

.3 and Carmosel - A Short Though A Very Long Story

He comes back home at 7pm sharp. Completely washed out from the day's hectic work. With one hope, yes he has someone to take his back. Carmosel, never thought in that direction ever. He never realised he can be stripped off, of all that he has. There is a blur. He realises he is growing old. He looks at his watch, its 7:10pm. He has nothing to do. Nothing to say. Just a blank corner to stare at. He sits in one corner and his face becomes wet. It has become a routine. Its a part of his life. It all started, the day he realised that all his innocence has betrayed him. Whatever he had learnt till date was completely ridiculous. Promises, feelings, people, life and more importantly his own beliefs. They were all kept in a box, in one corner. Its nothing but useless bits of pieces of paper. Carmosel, gets up, washes his face and opens the box again. He looks at pictures, notes and retrospects for awhile. He is tired of the routine. He knows, none of it matters anymore. He looks around and fixes some vodka for himself. He knows its gonna be a long evening. He turns on the television and just stares at the screen. His favourtie song is on. But he is not interested anymore. He is sick of it. Carmosel gets up, and decides to sleep for awhile. But then there is no peace. He can't sleep. He can't stay up. It happens again. He looks at his phone again. It is as silent as the day he bought it. He throws it away. His face becomes wet again. He is sick of it. And then...in a sudden spur... he pulls out his beautiful .3 . Looks at it again. "Here we are". Bang.

Ridiculous Me

I have never felt this ridiculous, ever in my life. I feel small, naive and like a complete disaster. I guess, my state of mind affects all my actions, my thoughts and it affects the most important factor of my life. Jen. I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like doing anything right now. Hope i can extract some apathy from somewhere.